Support for Returning to School in the Midst of Grief

Audra Naumann, MA, LPC, RPT™, PMH-C, EMDR Trained
Aug 7
3 min read

Audra Naumann, LPC, RPT, PMH-C, EMDR-Trained

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

― Fred Rogers

There is a collective grief in our community over the loss of precious lives due to the recent July flood. During this grief, children are preparing to return to school, some holding the news of the loss of friends as well as facing the loss of their own loved ones. Understandably, this shift back comes with layered feelings and a need for support. Preparing for this transition can begin the processing of these emotions as well as give children a healthy sense of control at school.

Conversation Topics to Prepare for the Start of School:

Talk through expectations of starting school as well as their present anxieties and fears.
Practice and roleplay answers to questions that their classmates and teachers may ask about their grief and experiences. Examples of responses below:
- “I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”
- “Thank you for asking. I feel more comfortable talking about this outside of school, can we meet up soon?”
- “I am feeling _____ today and I was hoping we could sit together at lunch.”
Emphasize spaces of control.
- Who do you want to sit with at lunch?
- What is a spot you enjoy outside at recess?
- What class(es) are you most looking forward to during the day?
- Which teacher do you feel understood by?

School Community:

Inform the teachers and school counselor of your child’s experience.
Work together with the teachers and administration for a plan regarding a quiet space if needed by your child during the day and who the child’s support people are.
Continue dialogue with your child’s teachers around their school abilities and if flexibility and grace is needed around school assignments, concentration and participation.

Support:

Process with your child steps to ask for support.
First, who is the person or people that they feel safe with at school (e.g. the school counselor, someone in the administration, a specific teacher) and back-track from there.
- Roleplay this scenario with the background work already completed (listed above) of letting the staff know your child’s experience and needs.
- Parent to child: “If you’re in math and need to speak to _____, let’s practice advocating for your needs with your teacher?”

Comfort:

Before the start of school, discuss what could be a source of comfort while at school and away from home.
- Examples could be a picture of their loved one/friend, a “lovey” or favorite stuffed animal, a stress ball or fidget, a note of love from a parent, sibling, etc.
Mindfully create spaces to check-in with your child as well as notice their basic needs.
- Be extra conscious around eating and sleeping needs. Would an extra snack after school be helpful? Does an earlier bedtime during this school transition fit?
Notice the 8 senses as a space for comfort as well as regulation. Examples below:
- Sight: Keep a photo of their loved one close by, sensory or glitter jar to shake and watch, calming lights.
- Touch: Keep a cozy blanket close by to be wrapped up in, weighted stuffed animal, holding hands, fidgets.
- Smell: Burn a lavender candle while they complete homework, make chocolate chip cookies before movie night, play with scented playdough or markers.
- Hear: Play calming music or even dance music to get some wiggles out, white noise, listen to a recording of their loved one, make up a story together out loud.
- Taste: Lean into their favorite foods, have a hot chocolate night in the middle of summer or popsicles outside, gums and mints, make their loved ones favorite food.
- Vestibular: Rocking chair/being rocked, sitting/bouncing on a yoga ball, swinging
- Proprioceptive: Big “bear” hugs, wall pushes, animal walks (bear crawls, crab walk, frog jump)
- Interoception: Mindful breathing, body scan, temperature play (warm water, cool washcloth)