Relationally Connect to Ease Back to School Transitions

Sara Combs, MA, LPC, RPT

Transitions are tough, but ending summer and thinking about heading back to school might be one of the more challenging ones.

You can just hear your kids now: You’re telling me I have to start getting up early AGAIN? Sit still for HOW long? See [insert person you happily avoided all summer] again?

Maybe your kids aren’t exactly expressing it in words, but you’re noticing their bodies have a little extra energy. You might be hearing more NOs or experiencing more meltdowns than are typical for your child. Or they might just be a bit more withdrawn.

However they are expressing it, back to school transitions can be tough for some. And when there are big behaviors and big emotions, everyone in the home feels it.

How can parents support their kids as they make the transition back to school? Intentional, relational connection from a supportive parent or friend can change a child’s experience with the uncomfortable emotion or anticipated circumstance. And helping them recognize and normalize their feelings in that supportive environment can help them feel better prepared to accept and manage the big feelings that arise.

Here are a few ideas to try at home.

Notice your own emotions

Summer can be draining for parents, and the last thing you may want to do is another project or activity with your child. That’s okay and normal. Just noticing your fatigue, exhaustion, and need for a break is a good way to take care of your own emotions. And it's a good place to start when getting ready to help your child take care of theirs.

ACTIVITY

Place your hand over your heart and close your eyes. Notice your breath. See if you can slow it down a bit, and see if you can take your breath into your belly, noticing the slow rise and fall in your abdomen. Notice what emotions surface, without judging them. Notice your hand on your heart, taking care of the feelings that have arisen. Write them down if it’s helpful, making sure your feelings know that you’ll come back and tend to them soon.

*If you need to just stop here, and this is all you do, you have done a great thing for yourself and your child.*

Slow down, take extras off the schedule

If it's possible, try to take extra commitments out of your schedule for the week leading up to school. Back to school already has its fair share of to-do’s! Keep your schedule simple, so there is extra time for spontaneous conversations, extra snuggles, and unstructured play. A less chaotic schedule can also help everyone’s nervous system stay a bit more regulated.

Move your bodies together

Hand slap games (Miss Mary Mack anyone?), jumping on the trampoline, tossing a ball back and forth, shooting hoops, or riding bikes are great ways to get out the nervous energy build up, while connecting through play.

For inside play, unstructured coloring or playing with playdough are also great ways to use muscles while being together. Side by side creating, even without talking, is a great way to build attachment bonds.

Create/write out feelings

Help your kids name some of the feelings they are holding. Just talking about what’s going on inside may help your child feel less alone, and can make big feelings feel less scary.

ACTIVITY OPTIONS

• Let’s make a picture of you doing a fun thing at school. Now let's make a picture of something you feel unsure/worried/scared/mad about

• What colors represent how you feel about starting school? Let's put some words to those colors.

• What Inside Out characters represent how you feel about school? What

  sounds/words/actions do they do when they think about school?

Some examples of warm, empathic support while they’re sharing can look like:

• “Those feelings make sense” or “I can see how that would feel scary to you. I felt the same way when I was a kid!” Or “I am always with you, no matter what you feel.”

• Normalize those feelings and don’t try to change them.

• Give big hugs, or other supportive physical touch if the child wants that.

• You can even draw a picture of mom, dad, siblings, and other supportive people around the big feelings, so the child has a visual of being supported.

Objects of love

If your child is nervous about separation from you, create something they can bring with them to school as a reminder that you’re with them, even when they can’t see you

ACTIVITY OPTIONS

There are so many creative variations of this idea, from:

• Hug Button - charge it up, and press it when you miss me!

• Decorate a small stone together with empowering words or symbols. Your child can keep it in his pocket or backpack to hold when missing you

• Keep it simple - send special note in their lunch or pencil box with encouraging words or pictures

  • Read the Invisible String together. Then grab some yarn/string.

  • After you read, grab the string and say something like, “Even when you can’t see me, I’m always connected to you by our invisible string of love. When you tug, I feel it in my heart and I tug back.”

  • Take that string and tie it on her backpack or put it in a pencil box as a reminder when she’s at school.

  • If you or your child is extra crafty, you can make a bracelet, keychain, or keepsake using this fun finger knitting technique.

Rehearsals

Practice the things that your child feels intimidated by. Asking to go to the restroom, introducing yourself to new kids, even walking up to the school. This will hopefully build some confidence.

Getting into the routine

Start practicing your routine a week to a few days ahead of the first day of school. Get up early, pick out clothes, eat a good breakfast and pack up for the school day. Then by the time the ACTUAL first day comes around, your child is used to the new routine.

Happy connecting. I hope your family and your child feels a warm hug as you juggle the busyness of this season.